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BAMBIE, DEAR IN HEADLIGHTS
Written by Lipstick 'n Boots
Bambie, our little Dear in Headlights ventures out into the Wide-Wide-World of Romance. See how Bambie pumps up her love tires and greases her squeaky axles. As Bambie gallivants through these electronic airwaves some tricky situations include:
Will Bambie ever learn how to flash her headlights without crashing into the Pool of Wanton Love?
Which is best? An ugly buck with big bucks, or a handsome buck with a little dough?
And can dears really see colors?
Love Hurts - Bambie Basher - Bambie was a very dear female who lived near a densely covered forest. Every evening at dusk, she would go outside to view the lovely sunset and to catch sight of the first evening fireflies twittering about. On this new August moon, Bambie found herself very troubled because of a certain idiot buck named Henry who was trashing her name all over the county. She was so angry that she felt like trotting over to his house and thrashing him with her sharp hooves - but since she had just spent a small fortune getting them buffed and painted, that was obviously out of the question.
So Bambie did the only thing that she could do under the unfortunate circumstances. Tired of denying that there had ever been anything between them she stopped denying the rumors and began one of her own. In the...end, Bambie spread the word that Henry's private yacht was nothing more than a tiny dingy. Nothing could take a buck down faster. Bambie decided that payback was swell.
BUCKSHOT DEAR - Bambie gazed tenderly at Milton, her most recent conquest - but something wasn't quite right. Although Milton was rather cozy with her, he was still holding back. She could feel it whenever they hugged, whenever they talked and whenever they rubbed their cold noses playfully together.
Weeks passed, but not even time was able to fill the gap that Bambie knew was wedged between her and Milton. What should she do? It might prove uncomfortable to broach the issue with him, but things couldn't continue this way. Finally, Bambie couldn't stand the situation any longer, so she approached Milton who admitted that he'd been recently buckshot and still held a candle for an old flame - which goes to show that sometimes, what we don't know can't hurt us.
DOUGH A DEAR - Bambie had a super problem. Harry had began courting her a fortnight ago and had continually showered her with gifts. But the gifts weren't the usual flowers, candy and diamond necklaces - they were insignificant gifts like wild flowers that he picked himself - half of which he'd mashed with his giant clodhopper hooves.
Bambie's brain throbbed as she tried to find a solution to her problem. How could she make Harry change his simple way of thinking and make those insignificant gifts revolve into special, unique gifts such as a new red sport's car - one that would match her apple-red lipstick? She'd sure look good in that car. Unfortunately, last evening when Bambie decided to confront Harry on the issue, he had vanished into the forest of love with a naturalist.
Men! Bambie supposed that if she lived fifteen years that she'd never grow to understand them.
BAMBIE'S DEAR DIARY - Dear Diary, once again I find that I am the most desirable dear in the Forest of Love. No buck in his right mind can resist me. Is it my scent? My doe-eyes? My long, sleek unshaven legs? Or my pastel pink-pained hooves? Whatever the case, I am the most popular dear on the planet.
I realize that there isn't enough of me to go around, but I intend to do my best to bring happiness to as many bucks as possible. With this in mind, I also realize that I must cull out the stronger, more handsome bucks - because I know that within my heart of hearts that the weaker bucks will become overpowered by my own strength and beauty.
Dear Diary, I often ask 'Why me?' and then I quickly answer, 'Why not?'
BAMBIE'S MEETS MAD DEAR - Bambie knew first-hand that a mad cow could never, ever compare to a mad dear. And she had personally experienced the stomping hooves of a mad dear. Let's call the mad dear 'Betty' for obvious reasons. Bambie had spied a handsome buck in the Forest of Love one day who was picking some pretty weeds. When he suddenly turned and handed them to Bambie, how could she know that he was harboring another love muffin?
Yes, this cruel - but rather magnificent-looking buck was playing the field and Bambie was unfair game. Needless to say, Betty learned of the incident and went totally mad. Which goes to show that what you don't know really can hurt you.
TARGET PRACTICE WITH BAMBIE - When would those testy poison arrows quit zipping by, Bambie wondered as she ran through the Forest of Love. It was a challenge dodging them, she pondered as she continued to scamper along. She had encountered two flaming arrows and one shot by Cupid himself - or was that 'herself' because Bambie had never been able to determine the gender of Cupid. Back to Arrowville....
It had been an innocent misunderstanding - in the beginning. What could she say? She loved bucks - and her life was a bit like a shopping spree right now. You know how sometimes you go to the store and nothing is on the rack and you have all this money pelting your pockets with nothing to buy? Then when you're broke, you go just to look - and there are so many fab things at the store and it's torture because you can't buy a single thing. And lay-a-way's just a waiting game. Nonetheless, that's how the situation with Bambie's love life had been.... No bucks - then tons of bucks and Bambie had decided to play the field. There had been Jon and Paw and Gorge and Dingo. And now, they were all after her and Bambie had nowhere to run. Oh well, it had been fun while it had lasted.....
BAMBIE THE RAIN DEAR - Bambie had been crying her little doe eyes out for the past two hours. Her moronic ex-boyfriend had broken her dear heart. It wasn't the first time that Bambie had experienced the heartbreak of heartbreak. It seemed to be a frequent occurrence these days. Why? What was wrong with her? Why did she always end up with a broken heart?
And then the answer hit her! She was too good, too kind, too beautiful - too everything and bucks found her threatening to their buckhood. Bambie dried her eyes. It felt so good realizing one's perfectness.
BAMBIE'S MULE DEAR
John was the most mule-headed dear that Bambie had ever encountered! Generally, it took her a handful of weeks to transform a buck into a new man, but John proved to be the ultimate challenge. John refused to give up his ridiculous Friday night in the forest with the boys; and he wouldn't ditch his brown smoking sticks - even though Bambie assured him that he'd kick himself in his dear pouch when he reached a ripe old age because he'd be haunted with health woes.
After four weeks of nonconformity, Bambie tossed in the towel. She wasn't going to waste her precious time trying to change mud into water. The relationship just wasn't going to work. And when she really thought hard about it, she realized that it was rather impossible to have a relationship when only one dear was involved.
ROMANCE & LOVE STORIES AT LIPSTICK n' BOOTS:
SAMPLES OF DEAR JOHN LETTERS & DEAR JANE LETTERS: Dear John Letters | Dear Jane Letters | Vain Jane Advice | More Advice From Vain Jane | Bambie, Dear in Headlights | The Hex - Confronting the Ex-Girlfriend Issue
ROMANCE & DATING: Special Romantic Moments | Fondue Equals Romance | Grandmother Finds Romance | Massage in a Bottle | Online Dating & Romance | 92 In Pigtails | Relationship Solutions | Romantic Strolls | Castles of Myth & Men, a Medieval Story | 3 Fairy Tales | Heart of the Tinman - a Short Love Story | 15 Things Women Love About Men | 15 Things Men Love About Women | Me Tarzan, You Jane | Mary Ann or Ginger? | Fun Compatibility Quiz | Great Date Suggestions | Romance - Love Birds OR Vultures? |
BABY RELATED: Your romance is going so smoothly and you've never felt more in love with your partner. Then quite suddenly, Cupid announces that within a year, your entire romantic relationship will take on a big change - a baby is on the way, testing the waters of your romance. Baby on Board | And Baby Makes Three | Taming Little Timmy | Tarzan & Jane, Romantic Poetry Butchered
ROMANCE & LOVE: Candle Personalities | Candles & Romance, Including a Torrid Dick & Jane Candle Story & Candle Burning Tips | Allergy Tips | Romantic Decorating Ideas for the Bedroom | Seasonal House Decor Ideas | Bath Salts Recipes | Love Potions, Monster Love, Monster Breath | Solutions For Teen Troubles | The Hope Chest & Dear Diary | Finding Online Romance | Free Sample Resumes & Thank You Letters | Save Money on Fast Food Dining | Saving Money on Groceries | Stressed From Stress | Thanksgiving Tips for the Romantic | What to Do if HE or SHE Forgot Valentine's Day | Winterizing Your Home Tips - Money Saving Ideas | How Can You Mend a Broken Heart? | Symptoms of AIDS | A Marriage Made in Heaven